This is an 8-page zine– Folding instructions here
This is not medical advice (duh)
Call or text 988 if you’re in crisis
- Go eat that thing you always wanted to try
- Steal stuff from Walmart (or any big corporation)
- Go find a log or big rock to flip over; count bugs
- Pretend you’re going to guest host a podcast discussing your favorite piece of media
- Masturbate until it hurts
- Turn off notifs for that app that ragebaits you
- Scream-sing that one song poorly in the shower
- Ask for forgiveness
- Find a new park to stroll
- Go to an upscale store and act like you could buy the entire building
- Volunteer at a shelter; love on all the animals
- Find a free class at your library that sounds cool
- Write a letter to that person on your mind
- Go to wikiroulette.co and press Next until you find something interesting
- Start a new TV show you’ve been putting off
- Imagine you’re a flower
- Get a new piercing
- Cheer way too loudly at a little league game where you don’t know anyone
- Cook something you’ve never cooked before
- Consider transitioning
- Tense and release all of your muscles as hard as you can, moving from feet up to your face
- Find the right amount of fiber for the perfect poop
- Talk to the moon
- Create backstories for passing strangers
- Reach out to a friend you haven’t seen in years
- Take yourself on a date
- Imagine a society where you’d be safe from hunger, homelessness and preventable illness regardless of your employment status
- Take a photo of anything that gives a shred of joy
- Log out of your social media accounts
- Buy a cheap coloring book and just go nuts
- Start a radical commune with your friends
- Give yourself a wild haircut and dye job
- Take all the napkins and condiments from your nearby multinational fast food chain
- Hook up with a random
- Start a dream journal
- Fantasize about killing someone you loathe, but in a fun, cute way that isn’t serious and totally won’t get you reported by your therapist
- Buy someone a treat
- Decide which Pokémon you would be
- Write shitty self-insert fanfic just for yourself
- Attempt to have patience while explaining basic human decency to a republican
- Yell at a republican
- Invent a new kink
- Make a list of the things you like about yourself– no “buts” allowed
- Move to a better place and start a new life
- Finally admit to them how you really feel
- Dig a big fucking hole
When I feel especially like taste-testing my car exhaust, I often find myself thinking:
“The majority of my problems could be solved by robbing a bank… why don’t I just try that first? What do I have to lose?”
“What if I sold everything and lived as a hermit in (idyllic locale) instead? I might as well.”
“Well, if I’m gonna off myself, why don’t I at least (extremely graphic, hedonistic sexual scenario) first? There’s no reason not to.”
I’m probably not going to get around to those things without a bit of planning. I take comfort knowing there are still plenty of things I’ve got left to do.
45 Things To Do Instead of Driving Off a Fucking Bridge: Shrugging Off Suicidal Ideation © 2025 by Joseph Deans is licensed under CC BY-ND 4.0
Great Joy Collective 
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